Going up North means going back not only physically, but emotionally to a place I used to dwell long, long ago. Usually this is pleasant and I am able to tap into the good things and express these feelings and notions of past life in my present day. This is why I was so surprised to find I had tapped a wellspring of unresolved anger and pain I thought I had resolved lifetimes ago.
On a rather overcast day without much going on we decided to walk the dogs in a lovely area along the rocky coast. As we were walking I pointed toward a road, "Lets walk this way, I spent a summer working for some people down this road. It's quite nice, I'll show you." We shouldn't have done it, there were signs everywhere stating it was private and no trespassing. There had always been signs, although I hadn't remembered quite so many. I had meandered down this path before, its pleasant with quiet fields, an ocean and a lovely view. I had worked for people on this road, I have always been respectful, I didn't think anything of it when we turned down the road with dogs bounding ahead of us.
Mercury is retrograde in Virgo and I have my moon in Virgo. I should have known. When Mercury is retrograde "circumstances are thrust upon us, rather than matters we have consciously decided to implement or resolve. In particular, unresolved issues from the past tend to rear their heads and demand to be dealt with."(http://www.astrologycom.com/mercret.html) I was walking headlong into my unresolved emotional past. As I reflect, I realize I must have been ready to remove a barnacle from my emotional psyche I previously avoided or was unable to confront and release. The first house we passed had a dog with a severe bark. Some people came to the porch and asked who I was and why I was there. Slightly unfriendly, but I was cheeful with an open heart and explained my travels. I was allowed to pass. Shortly after a much older woman, crone like, burst out to present herself in a noxious contemptuous tone. The message was loud and clear, "you down there, we are not pleased with your presence, you don't belong!" On the exterior I was friendly, slightly confused and well mannered. On the inside I felt small and demoralized. There I was feeling like an idiot in front of a woman who looked like an elderly model for Lacoste clothing photo from the 80's.
And there it was.... no more swimming politely around this barnacle. I stumbled on back to our car and hobbled in, shattered. Fuck! I thought I dealt with this shit long ago. Evidently not, If I had I wouldn't have traveled down that path. Today in class I felt strong enough to cry a bit, release some toxins and spend some time in Camel. Open my heart to the universe and let go of the shadow.
It's not about me, it's not about my life and it's not about how I choose to live, love and accept people, thank God, the universe and the Great Mother!
On a rather overcast day without much going on we decided to walk the dogs in a lovely area along the rocky coast. As we were walking I pointed toward a road, "Lets walk this way, I spent a summer working for some people down this road. It's quite nice, I'll show you." We shouldn't have done it, there were signs everywhere stating it was private and no trespassing. There had always been signs, although I hadn't remembered quite so many. I had meandered down this path before, its pleasant with quiet fields, an ocean and a lovely view. I had worked for people on this road, I have always been respectful, I didn't think anything of it when we turned down the road with dogs bounding ahead of us.
Mercury is retrograde in Virgo and I have my moon in Virgo. I should have known. When Mercury is retrograde "circumstances are thrust upon us, rather than matters we have consciously decided to implement or resolve. In particular, unresolved issues from the past tend to rear their heads and demand to be dealt with."(http://www.astrologycom.com/mercret.html) I was walking headlong into my unresolved emotional past. As I reflect, I realize I must have been ready to remove a barnacle from my emotional psyche I previously avoided or was unable to confront and release. The first house we passed had a dog with a severe bark. Some people came to the porch and asked who I was and why I was there. Slightly unfriendly, but I was cheeful with an open heart and explained my travels. I was allowed to pass. Shortly after a much older woman, crone like, burst out to present herself in a noxious contemptuous tone. The message was loud and clear, "you down there, we are not pleased with your presence, you don't belong!" On the exterior I was friendly, slightly confused and well mannered. On the inside I felt small and demoralized. There I was feeling like an idiot in front of a woman who looked like an elderly model for Lacoste clothing photo from the 80's.
And there it was.... no more swimming politely around this barnacle. I stumbled on back to our car and hobbled in, shattered. Fuck! I thought I dealt with this shit long ago. Evidently not, If I had I wouldn't have traveled down that path. Today in class I felt strong enough to cry a bit, release some toxins and spend some time in Camel. Open my heart to the universe and let go of the shadow.
It's not about me, it's not about my life and it's not about how I choose to live, love and accept people, thank God, the universe and the Great Mother!
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