Transitions

I think there's a little bit of fantasy, myth and wishful projection about the transition period between hot mess and getting your shit together.  As I have placed my personal life on a shelf for the better part of two years and am in the initial stages of reclaiming the self I can honestly say this is a period of chaos, peppered with confusion and a dash of freaked out.  When you let thing go as long as I have it becomes abundantly clear from the start there is a tremendous amount of work to do in all areas, body, mind, spirit and environment.  I get into class and it's truly work, every part of my body is raging mad, screaming, "how could you do this!"  I'm finding I'm truly exhausted during everyday activity and a little freaked out at the amount of neglect I have given to all aspects of my life but my job.  This is a process.  I did not get to this place overnight and it will not resolve itself magically.  Right now each day is a discovery in how lost I became and the importance of slowly and methodically reclaiming the self and building a solid foundation so I never make the mistake of returning to that ugly place.  I have many things to address and a tremulousness amount of feelings to work through.   uuh.. this is hard stuff.